I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
ttyl tear gas
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
