We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
