never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
