Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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