walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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