Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
