she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
