I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize