I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
