just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
