My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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