Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
