Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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