am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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