cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
