We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize