My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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