He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
