I haven't been this sober since birth.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
