You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
