trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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