OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
