all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Boobs speak an international language.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
