Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
