He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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