Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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