if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
