First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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