He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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