The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
