The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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