She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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