She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
