a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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