my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
