I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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