I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
