The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
