between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize