does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
