go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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