Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Panties = found
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
