I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
