So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
