I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
