And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
