Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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