You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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