Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
