I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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