I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
