Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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