I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
