My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
