just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
