It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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