the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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