She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
