I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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