Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
