I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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