It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
did i walk over a car last night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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