I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
