genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
