if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
