my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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