I think my fart just growled at me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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