just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
