i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
