I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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