Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
