i would punch a child for taco bell
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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